For so many mamas’ self-care gets put onto the back burner of their lives. Everyone else comes first and if something comes up then out the window goes the time that you had scheduled to take care of yourself.
But it doesn’t have to be that way, well not always (we are moms and things happen).
Self-care isn’t just something that is nice to do every now and then or something that you should do when you are completely at your wits end. It is a practice that you do to fill your cup so that you can be your best for everyone else too.
This is where we change that.
Here is where you begin to learn that loving to take care of you is just as important as loving to take care of those around you.
So, grab a notebook (or the free resource attached to the post) and let’s get your self-care journey started or reignited.
Beyond the Bubble Bath (what self-care really is)
In its basic form, self-care is how you take care of yourself. It’s how you take care of your mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, and social self.
How do you show up for you?
We often forget that the basic routines that we have established (brushing our teeth, our hair, showering regularly, and even a morning cup of coffee or tea) are all forms of self-care. And those things don’t take away from anyone else. Self-care isn’t something that should be done with anyone else in mind but you.
How can you fill your own cup and heart back up so that you have more than enough of yourself to share with those around you?
As moms we get pulled in so many different directions and have to look after others that we can lose ourselves so easily. By practicing self-care, we can take back ourselves even for a little while. It’s not going to be perfect at first (or maybe ever) but by taking small daily actions to work on you and remembering to care for you, you’re able to be a better mom and person. Kiddos aren’t little forever, and you won’t be a beginner at this practice forever either.
You must remember though too that there is also a difference between escape and restoration. Going out to be with the horses or animals for 3 hours instead of the laundry may feel like self-care or it could be used as an excuse that looks like self-care. It is the intention behind the activity that makes it actually helpful and good for you. If you have set those 3 hours aside to be with the animals, to really, purposefully be there then it can be restorative. But don’t just do it because you are trying to run from something else, it will only end up hurting you instead of helping in the long run. The same goes with overeating, overspending, and sleeping too much. All these things are just avoiding something deeper and may be a sign that you need to talk to someone and work through it. Talking to a therapist, a coach, or a trusted friend is always a great place to start.
I have created a list of self-care ideas that you can begin doing today. Want a printable pretty version? Grab it here.
This list is not complete or something that you have to use or do, it is simply a starting point if you don’t know where to begin or it can be used to give you new inspiration to get going again with your practice. Remember everyone is different and every practice is different too, what works now to fill you up and help you may not be the same in 6 months or a year and that is completely ok. We are meant to grow and change. You may also find yourself coming back to one practice after falling away from it for a while.
Just keep going.
You are always worth it.
The 5 Pillars of Sustainable Self-care
Self-care (like showering) isn’t something you do once and think “welp good for the whole year now”. It is something that with practice and purpose you do consistently and sustainably.
- Your Mind- What are the basic ways that you are taking care of your mind? What ways can you ground yourself and come back to who you are at your center? What boundaries do you need to be putting into place with yourself as well as those around you? Having boundaries with other people is a great start but you also must have them with yourself too. Do you keep breaking the promises with yourself? That’s a self-boundary issue. Do you talk bad about yourself? That’s a self-boundary issue. If you wouldn’t say it about someone else or allow someone around, you to say it to others or you then you don’t need to be saying it to yourself either. Keeping your mental self-care strong and long-lasting starts with small changes today. Could you sit in silence to allow your mind to calm for a bit? How about coloring for five minutes? Meditation is another great way to help with your mind.
- Your body- Are you constantly feeling tired even with a good night’s rest? (1st start moving more and 2nd talk to your doctor as well because your body matters.) Making movement part of your basic self-care plan can increase all the other areas of your self-care too. Do you always put your healthy eating, working out, or getting better sleep on the back burner? If you are a mom to a brand spanking new baby then this one isn’t as much for you, yet. You need to sleep when you can and learn to ask for help, but if your baby is sleeping through the night and you still aren’t going to bed till midnight you’ve got to start taking care of your sleep. Being fully rested will allow you to be the best mom you can be. You won’t feel as much in a rush or grumpy because you are sleep deprived. This may also be another area to talk to your doctor about. When it comes to your body, in general talking to and working with a doctor or healer is the best place to start. They will have tons of resources and recommendations for the best path for your body, because everyone is different.
- Spirit- What ever you believe in, God, Mother Nature, Allah, Spirit, Lord, The Universe, Creator, etc., we can all agree that there is something bigger than us at work or at play in our world. Having a spiritual self-care practice and pillar does not just mean forcing you and your family to go to church or any other religious meetings. It can be a separate thing that you do for you to connect with the higher power that surrounds us all. Sitting in prayer, meditation, or being in nature can help connect you to what you believe in. Another way is through exploring our creativity as well. You were given a gift or many gifts inside of you from the creator and tapping into them or letting them shine can allow that divine connection to be accessed as well. Have you ever listened to someone sing or play an instrument and you could hear God through it? Or looked at a painting and saw The Universe in the beauty of it? Begin today exploring what your talents or treasures inside may be so that you can connect yourself to the higher power that surrounds us all.
- Environment- Do you feel emotionally stuck and trapped and your house is also overrun with things? That each space (desk, counters, laundry room, bathroom, closet, etc.) is full of clutter and not even where it is supposed to be? Taking care of your environment is so critical to your self-care because your physical world is a direct representation of your emotional/inner world. When you actively begin to clear the clutter in your home, or take care of your home, you will begin the process on your inner world too. On the flip side as well as having nothing in your home that makes you happy or brings you joy is also an indication of your inner world. What small steps can you take today to get your surroundings into a healthy space for you and your family?
- Connection- You aren’t meant to do this life completely alone. This is one hill I will always stand on. (It is also one I am actively working on too.) We are meant to do things as a community, a sisterhood, and not alone. There have even been studies on this alone. So how can you, even with kiddos, make it a point to find more connections around you? Do you need to look into establishing a better support system or do you need to speak up about what you need from the one you have? Is there a mom group you can join locally to you or a virtual one? Do you need to start one? So many times, we get caught up in the overwhelming feeling that there is nothing like that for us that we forget we have the power to create it ourselves. Lastly ask for help. It is hard when you feel like you don’t have it or that when you do you don’t get the help that you really need, that is a communication issue then. Having open conversations about what you need and what others may too is an act of self-care. Be aware though, not everyone has opened themselves up to self-care and don’t always know the importance of or how to have open conversations because they have learned they have to be guarded in their lives and to them self-care means bubble baths and making excuses for overspending and eating a whole chocolate cake. I’m not saying they can’t or won’t change just that not everyone does change. Remember your boundaries and how far you’ve come or want to go.
Common Blocks (and how to release them)
Self-care over the years has gotten a bad name which has led to many people resisting it or feeling that they would be thought of in a negative light for begging and talking about their self-care journey.
This learned resistance can create blocks and negative stories that aren’t true to hinder us from taking care of ourselves to the best and fullest that we can be.
Guilt, time scarcity, and perfectionism are just a few examples. The guilt that we shouldn’t be focusing on other things than our own self-care is one of the biggest. As moms we are taught, either by someone verbally telling us or by what we experience, that to be a good mom we must give ourselves, our goals, and our dreams to those we love.
This is horse shit. You can absolutely be an amazing mother, wife, and friend while taking care of your self-care needs too.
The not enough time lie is another huge block for moms with a full calendar as well. But if it is important to you, you make the time for it. Access your schedule and find out where you may be miss using your time and also what time of day you are at your best. Both things will help you to understand where you can add your self-care and where you do your best work. Knowing them will give you a mental boost and allow you to break free of the time scarcity block that maybe holding you back.
Perfectionism is sometimes a hard one for people to see as a block because they feel that it is just them trying to make whatever it is they are working on or doing the best that they possibly can. In truth it is just a fear holding you back from putting the thing out there. Do you feel it needs to be the perfect temperature and wind speed, and lighting, and time of day to go outside to ground yourself? Or how about all the laundry done, dishes put up, and floors spotless before you can read?
I’m not saying to say F it all and just do the things that make you feel good all the time. I am saying that every now and then do your self-care first, then finish the laundry with more peace, or put the dishes away then go read for 30 minutes, then finish the rest of your tasks. Make self-care part of your routine that works for you. It’s not another task to add to check off your list or a reward for completing your list of to-dos (it can be used at the end of the day as an ahhh moment though).
Doing the things that help you care for yourself can be started small to help ease yourself through the blocks that we have built up or that you didn’t even know were there when you begin.
“I deserve to feel good.”
How does that statement make you feel? Already feel like people will make fun of you? Empowered to go do something for yourself right now? That’s easy for you to say? If you came up with anything except that I feel amazing when I say that then it is time to do some work to figure out why that simple statement made you react the way that you did.
Everyone deserves to feel good.
There is more than enough positive energy for everyone. Just because you believe that you deserve to feel good does not take away from anyone else. What small practices can you begin right now to help you break your blocks or to see them as blocks? Can you make a list of all the things you want to try? Can you call a friend and set up a time to get together and start doing more things together? Could you start looking for a coach to help you break through the blocks? Shifting your mindset about your self-care can help you now as well as long term. You are not your limitations, and you do not have to treat them as truths for the rest of your life either.
A Self-care Plan that Actually Works
Now it’s time to get to work.
In this section we are going to create the beginning of your self-care journey, because honestly if you have made it this far into the article then you are invested into taking care of you. So, grab your journal or some paper and let’s do this!
Building your self-care plan should be looked at more like laying one brick at a time rather than trying to build an entire house in one day. Start slowly and make sure that what you are building and creating can work in rhythm with your life and not a routine that you have to step completely out of your life to achieve. There may be days or times that you do but when you are starting out making it as much a part of your life as your meals are, can be whether you succeed doing it long term or not.
Begin by looking at your day, week, and month. Write down where in your day you have more to-do and where in your day you find yourself doom scrolling. Next, are there certain days that are more over run than others in your week? Mondays because you are trying to get back into the swing of things out of the weekend? Or Thursdays because one kiddo has dance, the other has music, and you have to still figure out how to feed everyone more than whatever drive thru is the closest? (Also, absolutely no shame in the drive thru method I’m just saying to look at the days, are you reacting to the chaos or planning for it?) How about the whole month? Is there a big break off school for the kids? Are there less events on the calendar this month? Are there birthdays and parties mixed into it all?
Having all these things written down can help you to begin to see where you can work on personal development. Would it be better for you to have a morning routine or an evening routine or a little bit of both?
Next find one self-care exercise either from the list in the recourses of this post or from other research you have done or have wanted to try and choose a day and time you can and want to do it then go do it. If something comes up (kids puking, you have a 102 temp, there are your cows out in the road, etc.) only then can you change it.
No pretend reasons.
You matter too!
And if you have read this far and written out where in your calendar you can do it and chosen something you would like to do for you, then why on this large green earth are you going to let you talk you out of it?
Go and do it!
If it turns out to be something you don’t really like, then don’t dwell on that but find the thing that does help you. It doesn’t have to be this huge sole on fire experience but can be a soft calm that it brings to you in your day. As you go through finding things you like, check them off your list with a note (did not enjoy, or sucked like hell, or too overwhelming for me to like doing very often) and move on to the next one.
Your kiddos aren’t going to be as little as they are today forever, and do you really want them to see a mom that refuses to take care of herself?
Do you want them to think that they have to completely give up themselves for their families? I don’t. I want mine to see a mom who always took care of herself so she could take care of them better.
You are worthy of your own love!
Self-care is an act of self-love and what a blessing it would be to yourself and your family to love yourself so much that that love flows out to them too!
- Here is a list of affirmations to help remind you to take care of that love.
- Here are any of the worksheets or resources mentioned throughout this article.
- Here is a good list of books that can help you get started or dive deeper into your self-care journey
If you have found this article helpful, then please share it with someone you think it may help and please share in the comments what your favorite self-care practice is or what you want it to be.
I hope you have an amazing day.
Jas
p.s. want a self-care jump start guide? check it out here.